July 14, 2008: Scars

Scars

July 14, 2008

Current mood:worried

I had my surgery the first of this month. I guess that was the easy part of this new challenge in my life. Everything has happened so fast, my head still spins when I think about how little time has passed since I was diagnosed with breast cancer. June 10th...

I have a couple new scars to add to my heart shaped one: A crescent moon on one breast and an ugly 2 inch scar under my arm where they took out the lymph nodes. That one hurt the most. For the first few days after the surgery I was drugged up because it was hard for me to move around without being in pain. It was hard to breathe, I couldn't sit up. Thank God for my mom, she stayed to take care of me. And most importantly, fed me my pills.

Now it's 2 weeks since my surgery and my stitches are gone and I'm feeling a little more like myself, I know I still have chemo and radiation coming up, but knowing the cancer is out makes me feel a little lighter.

When I look in the mirror now, I still look like the same person, feel the same, but I can see the scars. When I see them, I remember the pain, I feel my fear return and my scars remind me....I have a long road ahead of me. I don't know what I can do to make this easier, I just know that I have to. And this will be very hard for me to do.

I see my oncologist next week...I'm gonna lose my hair!