The Benefits of Yoga in Cancer Recovery

Last month I was invited to attend The Serenity Yoga Retreat in Santa Barbara.  The event was sponsored by The Foundation for Living Beauty, an organization that provides free services to help women living with cancer and cancer survivors address the stresses that extend beyond their medical diagnosis. Although I had been practicing yoga for many years, I learned that regular practice brings awareness into the body and can build back the strength and muscle tone that was lost during cancer treatments.

For over two years after surgery, finishing chemo, radiation and being only halfway done with the hormone blockers; I lacked the motivation and strength to restart my yoga practice.  I knew I needed to do something, I had no muscle tone and couldn’t even support myself in the plank position.  What helped me was my discovery of mindfulness meditation.  Through meditation I was able to change my pattern of thinking, “It’s going to be too hard,” “It’s going to hurt,” “The hot flashes will kill me”... And I signed up for a community class.  Being able to get through that encouraged me to move on to classes at yoga studios which helped me improve my asanas and body alignment.  Being more in tune with my body and able to flow with the breath, I gained the confidence to start and maintain my own home practice which I do, every day.

The Yoga instructor, Tari Prinster from Yoga4Cancer at the Yoga retreat, taught us other ways to increase the flow in our lymphatic system.  I knew yoga improved blood flow and helped stretch and strengthen muscles, but I was amazed that it could help fight cancer too.  Many of us survivors worry about recurrence.  Finding natural ways to fight this improves our outlook.  With gentle stretches, along with being mindful of the breath as it moves through the body and opens the chest, it felt as if life was filling the body and pushing out the toxins that were trapped inside: chemo, radiation, medicine...  Simply allowing the energy to flow and say, “Breathing in I am strong, breathing out, I let go” created a new feeling of lightness.

So, if you are recovering from cancer and need to get your body and mind in balance as well as be strong in your “new normal,” try yoga.  Start with a meditation practice to gain insight and awareness of your own thought patterns that block you from moving forward.  Learning mindfulness can connect you to your body and senses helping you to be aware of each breath and movement, clearing out the stress and thought patterns that don’t serve a purpose in the present moment.  For a great and simple home practice DVD I use an old one:  Vinyasa Flow Yoga by Jennifer Tipton.  Better get it now, only 5 left from $19.95.

Check it out:

Click here to order from Amazon.com

Hair Today, Gone Yesterday

7-18-13

Brushing my hair. I love the way it feels when the bristles touch my scalp. Running my fingers through the strands, feeling like silk threads. I'm grateful for my hair. How it feels on the back of my neck and on my shoulders.

I remember how it felt to lose it. How cold my head was and how ugly I felt. I remember the tears and how I avoided the mirror. I couldn't touch it. My fingers were numb from the chemo. Each day I lost more and more until it was all gone. I tried ice packs and put on a cap to try to stop it. But lost it all. Who was that person? 

One night I caught a glimpse of myself in the bathroom mirror and scared myself: bald head, sunken eyes, dark circles. Was it a zombie? Was it an intruder? No...it was me. I cried and cried. I lost myself. Who is that person?

But today,  I have hair. Beautiful soft hair that still makes me cry when I brush it. But only because  I remember that girl that lost her hair. She was so sad. Now when i look close I can still see her; there she is, looking right back at me. She is in my eyes. But now she's not afraid. Because she is me, now. 

Today, I am grateful for my hair.

Another Year Around the Sun

Today is my 48th birthday.  I had to keep doing the math because I sure don’t feel like I’m that old.  When I look back at my life all I can remember doing was being a wife and a mom.  Right after high school I got married and started my family.  I didn’t have a career until after my kids were grown and I was separated after 14 years of marriage. All knew how to be was a mother.

Well, 2 years ago (2 years after my cancer diagnosis) my adult son moved out on his own.  He had finished college, had an excellent job and it was time for him to leave the nest.  To me, it was too early.  I had just finished my cancer treatments and was starting to feel more like myself; But still...it was too early, for me.  He was the baby, the last one at home.  I was single.  Who was I going to take of?  Who was going to take care of me?  If all I knew how to be was a mom, then what was I going to do with him gone?  I couldn’t hold him back, I knew I was in for a tough time.  I had to let him go, because it was the right thing to do.  Now all that I had left, was myself.  What did I like to do before I was a mom?  Well, that would be impossible to revisit since it definitely was more than 26 years!  So then the question had to be:  What do I want to do with my life...now?

When we face transition challenges, we struggle to find aspects of what we used to enjoy or how we used to be because it is our anchor.  It reminds us that even though this big change is happening, I’m still the same person on the inside.  So we begin by shedding the layers of who we’re not, and reach deeper into ourselves to find the person we were before (before being a mom, before having cancer) and because it’s familiar, that’s what we strive to become (again). It serves as a comfort for a person facing a transition in life.  When there is a change and the outcome is unknown, it can produce tremendous anxiety.  Some stay trapped, because if it’s all you knew how to be, what else is there?  What’s left of you when the kids are gone, or when the cancer is gone?  Well, it’s you that’s left.  Everything you had become was a result of growth.  Now, is just another time to grow.

Today I'm 48 and 4 years Cancer Free

Well, today’s my birthday, and I’m still cancer free and I still have an empty nest.  It’s been a series of adjustments, but I’m moving forward, learning and growing every day.  Someday’s are tougher, someday’s are bliss.  The way I look at it, as each day goes by, the farther I get away from the past.  The past is what I was, I am not that person anymore.  Everything changes, it’s inevitable.  Nothing ever stays the same, it’s just not possible.  Just move on, don’t look back, you’re not going that way.

December 6, 2008: Crossing the Finish Line

End of Treatments

Current mood:accomplished

Crossing the Finish Line

One of my Doctors

This past Thursday, I finished my last day of treatment. The night before I kept checking my calendar making sure I got the date right.   I didn't want it to be like the time I thought it was Friday at work, only to find out at the end of the day it was only Thursday. (It was a rough week.) 

In this case, it's been a rough 6 months. But there I was, ready to cross the finish line.

Radiation was time consuming, taking up 3 hours of my day, every Monday through Friday for the past few months. Actually, it was 35 treatments plus 6 radiation boosts at the end. The treatment itself was only a few minutes long. It was the prep and the drive that took the longest. 

The ride, however, was made bearable only because I shared it with 14 other cancer patients. We all knew about surgery, chemo and rads. We shared the same concerns about our treatments and we all had radiation as the last part to cross on our way back to being healthy.

My Radiology Team

Saying goodbye to my radiation therapists was bittersweet. I was glad it was all over, but yet I wasn't going to see these people again, and this made me sad. They helped cure me. 

Leaving my support group behind was also hard for me. As soon as I came out of the doctor's office I was met by a round of applause from the waiting room patients. It really was like crossing that finish line. I could hear, "You did it! You did!" Most of them, I didn't even know. But all of them knew how tough this journey was.   I did it.

Me and Deb, this journey brought us closer as friends

 

Well, after treatment I went to meet my dear old friends to watch the Chargers beat the Raiders. I hadn't been to the old spot since I started chemo and it was very nice seeing everybody. It was like coming home and celebrating a victory. Actually…it was coming home….and it is a huge victory. My doctor actually showed up and a few drinks with us.

These friends were by my side from the beginning

Tonight will be a huge celebration for me.   I will be celebrating my birthday (belated) and my end of treatments.    This is really going to be a great night for me, I am so thankful for my friends and grateful for being done with everything.  I am thankful that I am here to share my story of survival.

Cheers to me

Thanksgiving 2008

Feeling Thankful and blessed.  I'm here.  I'm burned, I'm in pain.....but I'm here to enjoy my family and friends for another Thanksgiving!

September 7, 2008: Second Round of Chemo

I hate you cancer

Current mood:depressed

The last round of chemo kicked my ass.  And it was only my second one!  Damn.  I thought I was a warrior.  I thought I was gonna stand up to this thing, put up my dukes and beat the shit out of it.  Ha!  Guess I'm not as tough as I thought.

First of all, I had to go back to the doctor the day after chemo and for two days after that, to get shots to boost my white blood cells.  So, that along with the chemo, took it's toll on this little body of mine.  The doctor keeps checking my kidneys and is concerned about the creatinine level being so high.  I keep getting bone pains, rashes, insomnia, fatigue, dizzy spells, loss of appetite, my nails are turning purple......oh yeah...loss of my beautiful hair....waaahh... Damn you!  I hate you cancer!

I just want to feel normal again.  I want to feel strong.  But now I worry what's gonna happen next?  My next round is tomorrow!!!!  And I just started feeling better yesterday!  Damn.  I know this is the hard part and I'm gonna be a survivor, but.....this is really hard. Now I got to look forward to 5 hours of poison in my veins..... I would never, ever want any of my friends or family to have to experience this chemo shit.  It's really, really hard.  I'm so gonna do massive shots when I'm done with this drama.

I hate you cancer!  You suck!