Heart, Mind Dialogue

What if

If.
What if.
Working hard to prepare for the day "what if" happens.
Looking into my heart, I have found that I neglected to share the love she holds.
Just holding it.
Keeping it safe.
Clinging to it.  Because, what if.....

Working hard to prepare for the day "what if" happens.
Looking into my mind I found schedules, appointments, budgets and bills.
Working hard.
Making money for the day "what if" happens.
Just holding it.
Saving it.
Clinging to it. Because, what if....

"What are you waiting for?" she says.
"Well, what if..." is the reply.
"That's crazy" she says.  "The 'what if' already happened.  You got cancer, and you already got through it remember?"

Heart looks at mind as tears melt from her eyes, holds her close, hugs her tightly and says, "I love you."

"You got this," replies the mind.


A heart, mind dialogue in which I visualized my heart and mind sitting together on a bench on the top of a hill looking over Malibu Canyon towards the ocean. From this dialogue I realized that I hold on to things for fear that I won't be prepared if the cancer comes back.  I hold on to love because I don't want to be abandoned "if" I become sick.  I worked hard to earn my 3rd degree, now I work several jobs.  I save my money because I don't want to be broke and destitute "if" I am too sick to work "if" I get sick again.  While I am busy preparing for this imagined "what if," I am missing out on the precious gift of life I was blessed to have a second chance to enjoy.

For now, I am at peace with an open heart and open mind ready to receive whatever the universe has in store for me.  Because I have come to realize, once again, I have survived a time in life everyone fears, living with cancer.  And yet, I am still here.  I made it through that time with the little money I had, with the help of my son by my side, the support of friends and the love and prayers of my family, every step of the way.  I did it.  I know I could do it again.  I've been there.  Now I'm here.  The "what if" already happened.  I GOT this.

Healing HeArt Retreat with The Foundation for Living Beauty, a sisterhood of cancer survivors at the Serra Retreat Center in Malibu, California, April 2014.

The Benefits of Yoga in Cancer Recovery

Last month I was invited to attend The Serenity Yoga Retreat in Santa Barbara.  The event was sponsored by The Foundation for Living Beauty, an organization that provides free services to help women living with cancer and cancer survivors address the stresses that extend beyond their medical diagnosis. Although I had been practicing yoga for many years, I learned that regular practice brings awareness into the body and can build back the strength and muscle tone that was lost during cancer treatments.

For over two years after surgery, finishing chemo, radiation and being only halfway done with the hormone blockers; I lacked the motivation and strength to restart my yoga practice.  I knew I needed to do something, I had no muscle tone and couldn’t even support myself in the plank position.  What helped me was my discovery of mindfulness meditation.  Through meditation I was able to change my pattern of thinking, “It’s going to be too hard,” “It’s going to hurt,” “The hot flashes will kill me”... And I signed up for a community class.  Being able to get through that encouraged me to move on to classes at yoga studios which helped me improve my asanas and body alignment.  Being more in tune with my body and able to flow with the breath, I gained the confidence to start and maintain my own home practice which I do, every day.

The Yoga instructor, Tari Prinster from Yoga4Cancer at the Yoga retreat, taught us other ways to increase the flow in our lymphatic system.  I knew yoga improved blood flow and helped stretch and strengthen muscles, but I was amazed that it could help fight cancer too.  Many of us survivors worry about recurrence.  Finding natural ways to fight this improves our outlook.  With gentle stretches, along with being mindful of the breath as it moves through the body and opens the chest, it felt as if life was filling the body and pushing out the toxins that were trapped inside: chemo, radiation, medicine...  Simply allowing the energy to flow and say, “Breathing in I am strong, breathing out, I let go” created a new feeling of lightness.

So, if you are recovering from cancer and need to get your body and mind in balance as well as be strong in your “new normal,” try yoga.  Start with a meditation practice to gain insight and awareness of your own thought patterns that block you from moving forward.  Learning mindfulness can connect you to your body and senses helping you to be aware of each breath and movement, clearing out the stress and thought patterns that don’t serve a purpose in the present moment.  For a great and simple home practice DVD I use an old one:  Vinyasa Flow Yoga by Jennifer Tipton.  Better get it now, only 5 left from $19.95.

Check it out:

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