August 14, 2008: Is This Going to Work?

Cancer Sucks

Current mood:scared

My next chemo is on Monday and I'm nervous about it.  I went through so much with this first treatment, being in the hospital...quarantined and isolated from my friends and family, I just don't know how I'll do this time around.  I've already lost my appetite (and10 lbs), almost all of my hair, and most nights I can't even sleep........this is really hard. 

I think the worse part is that most of the time I feel fine, then the fatigue hits me and I have to stop and rest.  Just imagine checking the mail or even doing the dishes and all of a sudden you get dizzy and have to sit down and catch your breath.  Imagine not being able to stay awake or get out of bed.  It's so unpredictable.

I'm really not looking forward to getting that needle stuck in my arm and sitting there for 4 hours or whatever feeling the burn in my veins to my brain.  What if I get sick again and end up in the hospital?  I'm really scared this time. 

Anyways....I'm also wondering if this is going to work.  What if I go through all this and the cancer comes back?  I'm putting my body through so much ....is all this worth it?   Cancer sucks..